life

tChurch was good. I really enjoy Joshua's teaching. We went over the temptations that Christ went through in the desert. Sunday night was fun. Daniel, Brian, and Megan came over for a tea party. It was nice hanging out with people at the house.

I have been hanging out with Lois and Madeline more. I am so thankful that she is in our life. It's really nice to have someone else that has a baby and stays at home. I was at her house the other day and it reminded me of being at Eva's. That was an amazing feeling for me.

Elisha fell down the stairs yesterday...it was pretty scary. I have a wooden staircase so he very easily could have broken his neck. I dont think he was at the top, thankfully. He was trying to carry his "night night" blankets down the stairs with him (he now has 3). So after a little crying, more from mom, he was okay.

I walked to Lois's house yesterday and got semi lost on the streets. I had dinner at her house and decided that I really like textured vegetable protein. mmmm.

Had cell at danielles house. Sarah had Ian talk about a book he was reading and pretty excited about, "Wild at Heart." A christian book for guys, which I actually think I may read soon...I do have a son after all. Anyways it was pretty cool what he had to say, not only about the book but the things he paralleled to it. Sarah talked a bit about lent and this meditation book, I think I may start doing guided meditations in the morning. She read something from somewhere that I loved. "Instead of praying for a change of circumstance, pray for a change of heart." We talked quite a bit in cell and I am really glad that I go there. I love the people and the openness between them. I feel that God had been doing a lot in my heart this past week. I have minor, or major, breakdowns and freak out about living here. I get so upset that I left all my friends, upset that I have no job, upset that I have no life...and I get totally consumed by all of these negative thoughts and refuse to see the good in my situation. Then something happens... I talk about it with someone or God just kind of clears things up in my head. I don't want to resent this season. I want to be fully present in it and thankful for this time. To be glad about being home with Elisha and glad that I have time to sit still. I also realized I need to make the most of my time. It is very easy for me to sit at home and do nothing. I need to start making a conscious effort to meet with God. I also had a attitude check about how I was feeling with Elisha. I was starting to resent him for keeping me stuck in the house and getting annoyed at him for little things. But I now, thanks to a few friends and God, am able to cherish these moments with him. How fleeting they are and how precious this small amount of time is. I am so thankful for all of this. For the change and new season.

Jeremy, I met him at our cell, gave us a ride home. He is in the psalters and just moved to camden so didn't really know his way around philly, we also picked Jay but he was in the same boat at Jeremy. I also don't know my way around and Kate who just moved here didn't know either. All this to say I ended up getting us so very very lost trying to find my house. I have never felt so bad. I took them in a few circles, the opposite way, and back and forth through streets because they were all one ways going the wrong way. Eventually we got home...it was pretty ridiculous how long it took us. I think I need to start taking a map with me.

I met a man and couldn't say his name. I asked him twice to be sure it was real, for some reason it struck me by surprise. I had elisha say it and nearly cried. I hate when Elisha says it...just like I hated when he was calling it out earlier in the morning.

I drink at least 3 cups everyday.

People are always yelling outside.

Elisha is somehow cuter than he was in California. He gets older everyday and had such a funny personality.

I am working for a girl on friday.

I have had a few emails from people about being a nanny but they wer all kind of far away or have too many kids. I was about to settle and say that I would do them but I know it would just be because its hard for me to not have a job. To trust that God will provide something amazing for us. So I am trying to be patient, because I have until April, and am going to hand over the reins of control.

Winter Wonderland

a magical moment

one of my house mates had friends from out of town stay the night as well as a band...I love having people over and was fine with everyone staying the night. The thing that was not so fun was being woke up at 1 ,wrestling back to sleep, and having the worst dream of my life. It was a dream about....., probably the only person I dream about. It was actually more like a nightmare and the worse part was, when I was woken up at 4:30 am, I could still feel how I felt in the dream. It was like it had happened and all of the emotions were so tangible. Anyways I was able to semi distract myself from the dream by listening to how loud the guests downstairs, right under my room, were being...and also why they were awake at such an early hour. after much thinking, and being bothered by the dream and neighbors drum beats, i asked them to be quiet. when they finally awoke the next afternoon they were very friendly boys who I didn't hate nearly as much as in the night. I have been moving all of my energy into cooking lately...since im home all day anyways. Tonight I made meatloaf with honey butter carrots, tomorrow is chicken tortilla soup and at night we are having guests for tea and scones and whatever else I can find to make with pears (we have a lot from the dumpster). I have also been cleaning a lot and doing laundry...this pleases me a great deal but I still really need to talk to Eva. Im not quite happy or satisfied being home all day...uhhh.

I had a magical moment in my shower today. Jenna came over and watched Elisha while I took a shower...the sun was coming in the window and was right behind the shower head. We have a freestanding bathtub and the showe head is huge, it feels like rain is falling on you. There is a curtain all the way around you and only opens to let the water come down...I look up and the sun is streaming in around me and I feel like im somewhere else, somewhere beautiful and open and rain is pouring down...then the steam came and started to glow in the light. I felt like I was in a soap commerical. Melissa and I split up the week to take showers at this time. Horray!

i took pictures today and ill post them soon...

by the way...thanks.
i miss you and want to call everyday.

goodbye

the wind goes whoosh, whooosh

I wish I had my camera cable so I could post pictures of the places I visit during the days...

I will do my best to show you with words all the things I see and feel.

I was gone from the house all day again. I met Danielle and Olga at Martha's house and we then went for coffee. The coffee shop, they told me, was "close". In truth, it was very far away and one of the coldest days (at least that I have experienced). It was extremely windy and bone chilling. The coffee shop was great though, Lauren worked there and it was the first time I've seen her since moving. At some point this couple came in who feel in love with Elisha. They were so cute...probably in their 30's and bi-racial. The man, Chirstopher, was especially excited about how cute Elisha was. Elisha put on the most ridiculous show I have ever seen him pull off. He just kept giggling and starring up at them with his cute little eyelashes. He ended up sitting at their table with them and reading a magazine...so cute. We started talking to the couple and it turned out they too had just moved to philly. We talked for a while and then went to go have lunch. I had so much fun meeting them and hope that we run into each other again. I went to the mosque later to get dates...the door was closed so I was worried they were closed but when we opened the door it was like stepping into another world. Wonderful smells filled my nose and lungs and a dozen or more Muslim men were sitting a table eating lunch, it was def. the busiest I've seen the store in the Mosque. I need to make it a priority to visit there regularly and try to be a bit more brave in talking to the women, who are positivly beautiful and extremely friendly. I hung out at Lois' house the rest of the day while she worked on a new project inspired by our decorating searching on urban. Cut out birds that she is putting on the wall, im not sure if this sounds cute to you, but it is SO cute. I left her house a little late and ended up walking home, alone, during sunset and into the night. The ice cold wind was still blowing, we were extremely far, and I was so stressed out about being out at dark and worried about Elisha. We made it home safely...when I got on my street I found a young black man and older guy on the steps smoking a joint, I quickly walked by looking for my house numbers. I soon realized I passed my house...at this point the young man was walking past me saying whats up and asking if I was aight...I found that I missed my house because the two men were standing in front of it at the time and that the older man was my neighbor. I introduced myself to him and had a very funny conversation...I couldn't get my door unlocked so he helped and offered to put some crap in the lock to make it work better. Basically, I love this man. I kind of love every random person I got to meet today...which is one of the reasons I love Philadelphia.
I came home and made some pretty yummy vegetable lentil stew and oatmeal cookies...it felt so good to cook. We had a handful of guests to eat the food which made it all the better. I feel much better about the city today. I feel hopeful for my future here...and while it is harder in many ways it is good. I feel like im a new kind of single mom...I dont have a car, I dont have family or daycare, I am completely alone with Elisha. I am not yet comfortable enough with anyone to offer their services for babysitting...although I am sure I could. Anyways...I dont know why I write so much on here. I find it much more like a journal than a blog. I have an easier time writing my thoughts at when I am typing.

Good news...I was getting worried about not having a car or job. When I got home I had 3 emails from people about being a nanny for them. One of the families has a little boy and lives in the city, I would love to work for them so I hope this works out.

Tomorrow has plans already made...its funny how a few days in the house and I want to get out so badly. a few days out of the house and I want back in even worse. Oh the skill of being content.

I could never hate you

I wrote quite a bit this morning but my computer died and it was erased.

Last night our church had an ash wednesday service to begin the new lent season that I am observing for the first time this year. It is a beautiful time of renewal and humility before God.

This morning I left my house alone for the first time. I walked to jenna's house, which was quite an adventure. It was quite a few blocks away, under an extremely sketchy bridge, and across the L (my least favorite spot). I learned later that the neighborhood I went into is actually very sketchy and that the walk was maybe not the wisest thing I could have done. Anyways, I made it safely and was very excited to see Jenna and the Cambria house, which is beautiful inside. Lois picked me up a bit later, thankfully, and we went to circle and her house. It was really a great day. I was starting to get a little sad in my house. Elisha was such a stud and kept kissing her little girl.
I am home now and just finished cleaing my kitchen and putting Elisha to bed. Home alone again. It seems I end up alone at night quite a bit. I got my box from fedex tonight...a blue book, red blanket, pair of blue sandals, and a handful of other things set me into a fit of tears. It was the first cry I have had about it since getting here. I am trying to not have a pity party about being stuck at home and not having very many friends. I am trying to not resent Elisha for keeping me in the house. I am learning how to sit in one place and be content.
I am learning.

I talked to a few friends from home today...I am also learning how to keep those relationships alive and well. It was pretty hard for me to talk to them. I felt very disconcected from them and I feel very disconnected from the people here. I wish I could call you and tell you and feel better, but there too must be a dis-connecting (if there is such a word). I felt so far away from them.
I feel very far away from me.

I love my new home. Naturally, it is taking a bit of time too adjust.

a home becomes a house

so these are pictures of my bedroom. elisha's crib is on the right and my bed on the left...there is quite a large amount of space inbetween and beneath. As well as a walk in closet and a closet of shelves. It is a perfect bedroom...the other pictures is the view from one of my windows. My neighbors across the street have posted on the fence some no parking signs and at night they put up orange cones (that they most likely stole from the city) that say no parking and put them down the street. It confused me at first but our next door neighbor told me it was fine. I will post pictures of the house and what not later on...I dont have the cable or my camera so these were taken via cell phone. My house is coming together so nicely...last night we had people over for a mini house warming gathering. Today I cleaned the bathroom, washed the stairs with a rag, and melissa did the kitchen. I have never had so much fun cleaning a house as I do now, because its my home. There is something so fun about spending time and effort into a place you can call your own.

Brotherly Love

Hello.
I made it! Friday afternoon, about 1/2 an hour before we left for the airport, Elisha came out of the hallway crying, gagging, with white powder in his mouh. I instantly knew what he had done, because he had been trying for weeks, he ate laundry detergent. I have no idea how much he had but shortly after he came we got him to drink water and he started throwing up. I was freaking out while my cousin assisted Elisha in his multiple throw ups. I talked to poison control who told me it probably tickled his throat causing him to gag...we both didn't think it had been long enough to burn his throat. So we got in the car to leave for philly but his voice was extremely raspy and he kept crying and clutching his throat saying it hurt. It was such a pathetic and scary sight that we decided to skip the airport and go to the urgent care. We got in right away and the doctor said his throat was swelling. They gave him three different shots, it was very sad, and called an ambulance. The main thing they were trying to figure out was if it was an allergic reaction or a chemical burn...the second being the worse. So the paramedics came and put E on a stretcher and we drove to the ER. Elisha hated the ambulance even with all of the efforts of the medics trying to entertain him with ballon gloves. The entire time he kept drooling in mass amounts and couldn't swallow. He kept crying but with this very low and raspy cry, so cute. When in the ER the doctor was surprised to see that his throat was still very swollen despite the large quantity of bendryl he was given...making it appear that it was a chemical burn. They gave him a breathing treatment, which he also hated so 3 of us had to lay on him to keep him still . He then got an iv, after being poked in both arms, and the succesful arm had to have a cast like bandage to keep him from tearing it out. He received a few more breathing treatments and which was something close to torture. Luckily he didnt get the alternative which would have been intivation. They would knock him out and put a tube down his throat. So we did all of the breathing nonsense for a few hours...he was in and out of sleep and finally around 11 he showed signs of healing. He started talking to me a bit, in a very hoarse voice, but it was a great improvement. He then got a popsicle but was very upset because he would chew and then it would run out of his mouth, he still couldn't swallow. Finally around midnight the doctor said the swelling was decreasing and that one of the shots he had gotten earlier would start to work. So we got home and made plans at 2 am to fly out. Elisha woke up completely healed. He voice was back to normal and he could swallow perfectly. We got to Philadelphia saturday night at 11 pm. I am now in my NEW bedroom, in my new house, on my new street, in my new city, in my new state. HORRAY! I love my house...it is really quite beautiful...as soon as i get a cable for my camera I will post pictures of everything. I went to ikea twice today, it is very fun. I love my new house mates, although ive only met two. So far all is going well. It snowed today but it really hasn't been as cold as I had imagined. I am glad that I am so busy getting everything together with the house and what not...its given me time to not concentrate on the fact that I actually LIVE here and when my mom leaves tomorrow I will be here all alone. Kind of scary. It is also helping me to not cry about missing you. It is so strange. I looked out the window of the plane as I saw my last glimpse of the ocean. I watched as I passed mountains, valleys, rivers, miles and miles of land. I thought about you and felt as close as before, despite the distance I have put between us. So I will have to wait for the second to take its effect. As much distance as I could manage and now I will wait as days, weeks, and months pass us by. Time and space, that is the remedy for a broken heart. It is cold in my house now so I am going to snuggle in my bed. Goodnight California, Goodnight Philadelphia.
I love you

a new adventure

it still seems unreal to me.