I could never hate you

I wrote quite a bit this morning but my computer died and it was erased.

Last night our church had an ash wednesday service to begin the new lent season that I am observing for the first time this year. It is a beautiful time of renewal and humility before God.

This morning I left my house alone for the first time. I walked to jenna's house, which was quite an adventure. It was quite a few blocks away, under an extremely sketchy bridge, and across the L (my least favorite spot). I learned later that the neighborhood I went into is actually very sketchy and that the walk was maybe not the wisest thing I could have done. Anyways, I made it safely and was very excited to see Jenna and the Cambria house, which is beautiful inside. Lois picked me up a bit later, thankfully, and we went to circle and her house. It was really a great day. I was starting to get a little sad in my house. Elisha was such a stud and kept kissing her little girl.
I am home now and just finished cleaing my kitchen and putting Elisha to bed. Home alone again. It seems I end up alone at night quite a bit. I got my box from fedex tonight...a blue book, red blanket, pair of blue sandals, and a handful of other things set me into a fit of tears. It was the first cry I have had about it since getting here. I am trying to not have a pity party about being stuck at home and not having very many friends. I am trying to not resent Elisha for keeping me in the house. I am learning how to sit in one place and be content.
I am learning.

I talked to a few friends from home today...I am also learning how to keep those relationships alive and well. It was pretty hard for me to talk to them. I felt very disconcected from them and I feel very disconnected from the people here. I wish I could call you and tell you and feel better, but there too must be a dis-connecting (if there is such a word). I felt so far away from them.
I feel very far away from me.

I love my new home. Naturally, it is taking a bit of time too adjust.