it always depends on the when the train is coming

i dont know if you know what you did. hes saying things he never said and it scares her everyday. hes growing, changing, learning and its getting to be a bit much. you see, i think he knows,...he knows. he asked about him once or twice. he called the other children's his. it scares her because what if hes always alone. alone like she was alone. if he knows the feeling of rejection. if he feels the absence of the strong hand leading him. her hand had always been too small, too frail, too shaky. she trembles as she guides. too gently or too harsh...always trying to find the middle ground. there is no such reality for her now. she must nuture and discipline. be patient and firm. she is everything to him and its becoming too much. we watch her moves very closely now. whispering at her mistakes, praising her for her sacrifice. we have put her on a high stool and there we keep her high. she must never get too close to us. she is a foreigner in this land. we admire her as a Saint, but we are no Saints and therefor can only get so close.do.

the apricot is killing me

I keep tellin’ myself that it’ll be fine
You can’t make everybody happy all of the time
I find myself in a place that I never been
A place that I thought that I could never be
There’s people looking back at me

I keep having this dream; I’m at a party
There’s people throwing drinks and screaming telling me that I don’t belong
Lately life’s been the same I find this comfortable place
With all my friends then my friends start telling me that I’ve always been wrong
And I’m so tired of being wrong

There was a time I could move there was a time I could breathe
The crowded spaces filled with angry faces
It didn’t once cross my mind
With paranoia on my heels; Will you love me still
when we awake and see that the sanity has gone from my eyes?

I got secrets from you, you got secrets from me
Because you’re so worried about what I’m gonna to think,
Well I’m worried too
But if love is a game, girl, then you’re gonna win
I’ll spend the rest of my life bringing victory in
If you want me to

-the avett brothers

dizang.

i made a few mistakes yesterday...im wondering if ill be able to let them go.

you stood beside a burning bush

of course he changed my mind
in the blink of an eye my life changes
this has been the only constant i know
i know nothing and expect everything
my plate is never empty
this is even better than my plan...
his plan is so good
i got my first real job
exactly what i wanted but with surprises overflowing
i am working for a jewish woman who is a parapalegic
i will be cooking (organic yum yums), cleaning (chemicalfree), and helping her get the house ready to sell...
she wants to move to ashville nc...there is so much to say about this woman, her son, and how blessed I am.

I will be going, anyways.

there...and everywhere.

you cant make everybody happy all of the time

a new wind is blowing
my heart, mind, and feet are stirring
discontent has set in and I cant change the course
figuring out what this all means
the possibilities are endless
this is my life and I wont stay tied down
this is not my home, anyways.
no land will I try to keep
I will take nothing and leave the same
set me free...

can it work?

I sure hope so...I am going, anyways.