life

tChurch was good. I really enjoy Joshua's teaching. We went over the temptations that Christ went through in the desert. Sunday night was fun. Daniel, Brian, and Megan came over for a tea party. It was nice hanging out with people at the house.

I have been hanging out with Lois and Madeline more. I am so thankful that she is in our life. It's really nice to have someone else that has a baby and stays at home. I was at her house the other day and it reminded me of being at Eva's. That was an amazing feeling for me.

Elisha fell down the stairs yesterday...it was pretty scary. I have a wooden staircase so he very easily could have broken his neck. I dont think he was at the top, thankfully. He was trying to carry his "night night" blankets down the stairs with him (he now has 3). So after a little crying, more from mom, he was okay.

I walked to Lois's house yesterday and got semi lost on the streets. I had dinner at her house and decided that I really like textured vegetable protein. mmmm.

Had cell at danielles house. Sarah had Ian talk about a book he was reading and pretty excited about, "Wild at Heart." A christian book for guys, which I actually think I may read soon...I do have a son after all. Anyways it was pretty cool what he had to say, not only about the book but the things he paralleled to it. Sarah talked a bit about lent and this meditation book, I think I may start doing guided meditations in the morning. She read something from somewhere that I loved. "Instead of praying for a change of circumstance, pray for a change of heart." We talked quite a bit in cell and I am really glad that I go there. I love the people and the openness between them. I feel that God had been doing a lot in my heart this past week. I have minor, or major, breakdowns and freak out about living here. I get so upset that I left all my friends, upset that I have no job, upset that I have no life...and I get totally consumed by all of these negative thoughts and refuse to see the good in my situation. Then something happens... I talk about it with someone or God just kind of clears things up in my head. I don't want to resent this season. I want to be fully present in it and thankful for this time. To be glad about being home with Elisha and glad that I have time to sit still. I also realized I need to make the most of my time. It is very easy for me to sit at home and do nothing. I need to start making a conscious effort to meet with God. I also had a attitude check about how I was feeling with Elisha. I was starting to resent him for keeping me stuck in the house and getting annoyed at him for little things. But I now, thanks to a few friends and God, am able to cherish these moments with him. How fleeting they are and how precious this small amount of time is. I am so thankful for all of this. For the change and new season.

Jeremy, I met him at our cell, gave us a ride home. He is in the psalters and just moved to camden so didn't really know his way around philly, we also picked Jay but he was in the same boat at Jeremy. I also don't know my way around and Kate who just moved here didn't know either. All this to say I ended up getting us so very very lost trying to find my house. I have never felt so bad. I took them in a few circles, the opposite way, and back and forth through streets because they were all one ways going the wrong way. Eventually we got home...it was pretty ridiculous how long it took us. I think I need to start taking a map with me.

I met a man and couldn't say his name. I asked him twice to be sure it was real, for some reason it struck me by surprise. I had elisha say it and nearly cried. I hate when Elisha says it...just like I hated when he was calling it out earlier in the morning.

I drink at least 3 cups everyday.

People are always yelling outside.

Elisha is somehow cuter than he was in California. He gets older everyday and had such a funny personality.

I am working for a girl on friday.

I have had a few emails from people about being a nanny but they wer all kind of far away or have too many kids. I was about to settle and say that I would do them but I know it would just be because its hard for me to not have a job. To trust that God will provide something amazing for us. So I am trying to be patient, because I have until April, and am going to hand over the reins of control.

Winter Wonderland

a magical moment

one of my house mates had friends from out of town stay the night as well as a band...I love having people over and was fine with everyone staying the night. The thing that was not so fun was being woke up at 1 ,wrestling back to sleep, and having the worst dream of my life. It was a dream about....., probably the only person I dream about. It was actually more like a nightmare and the worse part was, when I was woken up at 4:30 am, I could still feel how I felt in the dream. It was like it had happened and all of the emotions were so tangible. Anyways I was able to semi distract myself from the dream by listening to how loud the guests downstairs, right under my room, were being...and also why they were awake at such an early hour. after much thinking, and being bothered by the dream and neighbors drum beats, i asked them to be quiet. when they finally awoke the next afternoon they were very friendly boys who I didn't hate nearly as much as in the night. I have been moving all of my energy into cooking lately...since im home all day anyways. Tonight I made meatloaf with honey butter carrots, tomorrow is chicken tortilla soup and at night we are having guests for tea and scones and whatever else I can find to make with pears (we have a lot from the dumpster). I have also been cleaning a lot and doing laundry...this pleases me a great deal but I still really need to talk to Eva. Im not quite happy or satisfied being home all day...uhhh.

I had a magical moment in my shower today. Jenna came over and watched Elisha while I took a shower...the sun was coming in the window and was right behind the shower head. We have a freestanding bathtub and the showe head is huge, it feels like rain is falling on you. There is a curtain all the way around you and only opens to let the water come down...I look up and the sun is streaming in around me and I feel like im somewhere else, somewhere beautiful and open and rain is pouring down...then the steam came and started to glow in the light. I felt like I was in a soap commerical. Melissa and I split up the week to take showers at this time. Horray!

i took pictures today and ill post them soon...

by the way...thanks.
i miss you and want to call everyday.

goodbye

the wind goes whoosh, whooosh

I wish I had my camera cable so I could post pictures of the places I visit during the days...

I will do my best to show you with words all the things I see and feel.

I was gone from the house all day again. I met Danielle and Olga at Martha's house and we then went for coffee. The coffee shop, they told me, was "close". In truth, it was very far away and one of the coldest days (at least that I have experienced). It was extremely windy and bone chilling. The coffee shop was great though, Lauren worked there and it was the first time I've seen her since moving. At some point this couple came in who feel in love with Elisha. They were so cute...probably in their 30's and bi-racial. The man, Chirstopher, was especially excited about how cute Elisha was. Elisha put on the most ridiculous show I have ever seen him pull off. He just kept giggling and starring up at them with his cute little eyelashes. He ended up sitting at their table with them and reading a magazine...so cute. We started talking to the couple and it turned out they too had just moved to philly. We talked for a while and then went to go have lunch. I had so much fun meeting them and hope that we run into each other again. I went to the mosque later to get dates...the door was closed so I was worried they were closed but when we opened the door it was like stepping into another world. Wonderful smells filled my nose and lungs and a dozen or more Muslim men were sitting a table eating lunch, it was def. the busiest I've seen the store in the Mosque. I need to make it a priority to visit there regularly and try to be a bit more brave in talking to the women, who are positivly beautiful and extremely friendly. I hung out at Lois' house the rest of the day while she worked on a new project inspired by our decorating searching on urban. Cut out birds that she is putting on the wall, im not sure if this sounds cute to you, but it is SO cute. I left her house a little late and ended up walking home, alone, during sunset and into the night. The ice cold wind was still blowing, we were extremely far, and I was so stressed out about being out at dark and worried about Elisha. We made it home safely...when I got on my street I found a young black man and older guy on the steps smoking a joint, I quickly walked by looking for my house numbers. I soon realized I passed my house...at this point the young man was walking past me saying whats up and asking if I was aight...I found that I missed my house because the two men were standing in front of it at the time and that the older man was my neighbor. I introduced myself to him and had a very funny conversation...I couldn't get my door unlocked so he helped and offered to put some crap in the lock to make it work better. Basically, I love this man. I kind of love every random person I got to meet today...which is one of the reasons I love Philadelphia.
I came home and made some pretty yummy vegetable lentil stew and oatmeal cookies...it felt so good to cook. We had a handful of guests to eat the food which made it all the better. I feel much better about the city today. I feel hopeful for my future here...and while it is harder in many ways it is good. I feel like im a new kind of single mom...I dont have a car, I dont have family or daycare, I am completely alone with Elisha. I am not yet comfortable enough with anyone to offer their services for babysitting...although I am sure I could. Anyways...I dont know why I write so much on here. I find it much more like a journal than a blog. I have an easier time writing my thoughts at when I am typing.

Good news...I was getting worried about not having a car or job. When I got home I had 3 emails from people about being a nanny for them. One of the families has a little boy and lives in the city, I would love to work for them so I hope this works out.

Tomorrow has plans already made...its funny how a few days in the house and I want to get out so badly. a few days out of the house and I want back in even worse. Oh the skill of being content.