Journal Entries, Lover's notes.

I have a rapidly accumulating collection of "journals" growing near my bed. The number is something over 7. A handful of these story taverns were started 3, 4, 7 years ago. So, I finished them in these last 2 years. Strange. I have also started many new ones, made a few, and completed them. I am finishing up a few that are very lovely and have birds, peace, love, etc.. on them. The colors and messages are good. It is wise to know that words are very powerful. Speak beautiful things over and to yourself. Agree with the creator...he sees you perfectly through his son. Anyways....I wanted to start sharing some of these stories with the world. They were when I was living on the east coast, in Arcata, Olympia, in Portland, on the Farm, At a families, at another families, and so on and so forth. What I am going to post now is about Galilee, my daughter, who I love and lives with her Mother and Father in Oregon. Open adoption, if you don't know what that is you should look it up. It is a good idea to look up things you don't understand or have only been told about by one group of people. Research, let the Spirit guide you...He is always teaching you. Oh by the way I was thinking about how God is omnipresent, In-dwelling, and manifests His presence...in everything, in me, in my presence( in reality) is His presence. hmmm...

Entry #1. Jan/12, I know not.

There's an area I'd like to get to, but I cant now. Not in this season, not at this time. The waters are flowing now. They are much higher, much clearer, and quite faster, than they were so long ago. All I can do is glance back, back to where I have been, back where I was in that time. That's what all of these moments are, me glancing back to where I was. (thankfully I now spend more time in the present moments than past) Sometimes I get to go back and sit this physical body in that physical space where the memory lived. I put my body and spirit near the creek and reflect. I remember how I felt, but only still a glimpse. My mind will, no matter how close I get to reenactment, never brings it fully back. It's distant...like remembering a story a friend told me, but not like it's my own story. Here, now, in this place, I sit my physical body on this bit of earth that evokes so many memories of our last moments together and remember. I look over my shoulder at what was, what took place, I could go and sit on the bench where I wrote hours before. Where I searched for You, where You flooded me with truth and light, where we made a promise. Can You remember that day also? How the psalms spoke to me like a sweet melody, like that of darlings who would hum to  one another, with the hope of bliss. You came and were so near to me when no one else could be. All I wanted was her, but I gave it over to You. What happened that day. Daddy, did you see? I crucified my heart, I nailed it to a tree. I didn't know where we would be, or that I could be here, but I trusted you for I know you are good. What a leap of faith, what obedience, You exchange life for life, that is just what You do. When I gave her to You, You gave me all of You. I glance back to that piece of earth where we 5 all sat together the day I signed her papers. The day she left me forever. She wasn't mine, no not even then. Though I love her more dearly than my friend. She is me and I am her, but we are apart. I have always loved you daughter, from the beginning, from the start. Rivers of tears have I cried to ease the pain in my heart. I cannot continue to look behind. It was God's beauty and majesty.His Glory and wonder displayed through you and through me. His streams are never ending, always on the move. One seasons low but the rain shall come again. He has made me full, my cup is never dry. Forever I will love you, forever I will cry. What a gift you are to me, my darling, my sweet child. To know the greatest sorrow in letting go of you. To know everlasting joy because I've never lost you. We belong to Him, Our Savior and our King. He's given us hope, he gave you everything!
The stream it murmurs and sings, it is alive with rich new life.
He has promised you a family and given me new life. My family is made complete, I have become His wife. I am His bride. I am clean. I am spotless. I am seen. I am lovely. I am grace. I am wanted now and always.


Here I stand before you.
Here I wait my days
Your gaze is ever towards me
I am yours always.

Come and take me home
Your purpose has been made known
The Lord is great and passionate
Worthy is the Lamb, who sits upon the throne .

Fear not my little children.
In your hearts I shall remain
Hold tight to hope my darlings
In His kingdom I shall reign

Let Love guide your path
It will always take you home

Holy is the Lord, who was, who is, and who is yet to come.


Love, Joy, Peace, Grace everlasting.