confirmed.

I am going to make a Covenant tomorrow with Circle of Hope. I am a bit nervous and awkward with speaking in public so I am going to write out a bit of how I feel first. I also want to talk about some of the amazing things that have been going on in my life recently.
I moved to Philadelphia for a number of reasons. To get outside of my comfort zone, experience life, get away from some crap, and to be a part of the community at Circle. I had visited Danielle on two separate occasions. After the first visit I felt that I needed to go back right away and as soon as I returned home purchased a ticket back for the next month. Something caught my heart when I was here. Outside of my safety and comfort of slow paced California life was this scary, unpredictable, and out of control environment. I hated it here at first...walking down streets cluttered with trash, coming from a place where I rarely saw a person of African-American decent (even though Elisha is half), not having the comforts of my car, continually feeling lost and afraid. I remember the moment God changed my heart. I was sitting on a bus that had somehow got stuck trying to turn a corner. The bus was packed with people who were very irritated that it was taking so long to fix the problem. I think we may have been there about an hour. One of the first things I noticed about people in Philadelphia is that they speak their minds and speak it loudly. I sat squished next to Karen trying to entertain Gideon so that the people all around us would not stone us (I think they wanted to.) After a few minutes the stress and agitation of being stuck in a bus wore off and I began to see the people I was sitting with. I began to see with new eyes. I saw beautiful old women speaking in Chinese. I loved their fragile, petite figures and the care they took in trying to look beautiful. I saw the young mother trying to contain her two children. I saw her patience and struggle and I felt deeply for her. I saw the elderly Black woman in front of my with her Bible open on her lap. I saw her annoyance with the noise that Gideon was making and the remarks she made to her friend...the lack of patience she had. I saw all of these people and I took them into my heart. I was sold. After that moment I began to take everything in. I breathed differently...and then coughed on the smoke. Instead of missing the cleanliness of home, the clear skies, and on-going ocean, I looked at the buildings and wanted to know the history. I looked at the people and wanted to know their stories. I wanted to know who all was affected by the mass amounts of vacant warehouses, broken-down houses, what had happened and what could be fixed. So when I got back to California I was not filled with joy at the sight of the ocean. I was not filled with joy at the fancy cars filled with white, middle-class, americans who never thought about anyone else. I came back for the week of thanksgiving. It was then that I knew I would live here. There was so much to do here. So much to be a part of, and the fantastic thing was there were so many people who wanted me to be a part of it with them. I think that was one of the biggest shockers for me. I feel like a large group of people in California, I will not say all because I also know amazing people with genuine hearts, but a large group who were not at all welcoming. These, it should be noted, were Christian groups. They, at least to me, were very snobbish. Very absorbed in their own lives, and if they choose to get involved in others lives it was that which they read about in People magazine. They consumed at great amounts clothes, i pods, cars, and all of these possessions left me wanting. Sometimes I wanted what they had, but a lot of the time I wanted people who cared about more. To have people that accepted ideas and movements from people like the Psalters and didn't run around trying to get them out of the building before they said one more thing that didn't go along with their political beliefs and say it was a spiritual matter. I wanted to be part of a community that longed for peace and is active in pursing in it. People that care about cleaning up a block and serving their neighbors in tangible ways. People who wanted to live out what Jesus showed us in the Bible. There were months when I would be inspired and try to get together with others, times when I would read "The Irresistible Revolution," or a biography on Mother T, or watch "Brother Sun, Sister Moon." I would feel a fire inside and I longed to be in a community that shared in this passion of giving, caring, and loving. I don't think that the groups of people I used to live with didn't want these things, I just don't think they ever saw a way or reason to actively change their lives for them. When I was here I would hear about people and would be nervous to meet them. I assumed they were like the people who were "so cool and in" in California and would be cold and uninterested. Surprisingly that never happened. I met dozens of people who were genuinely interested in my life and story. This touched a place in me that wanted to be met. I mentioned the idea of me moving here to people and they were overjoyed. I could not figure out why these perfect strangers would care to want me and Elisha to come and be a part of them. They loved me, welcomed me, talked to me, and a few months ago I moved here to be a part of them and have them be a part of me. I guess I wanted to make a Covenant from the beginning. To express my hearts longing to be a part of them and them a part of me. To move with them in their vision to live a life like Jesus and love and transform the world with this love. I guess its as simple as that.

As I was reading tonight about making a Covenant I came across some scripture that agreed and pushed me farther along in my feelings of a few days ago.

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have again one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful."
Colossians 3 13-15

I read this, and a few similar, and completely let go of the bitterness and hurt I was holding. Tomorrow I am making a Covenant with the community and peoples at Circle and I am going to do so holding nothing against another part of the body. I am ready to lay down my life for my brothers and sisters, forgive them as they forgive me, grow with them, love the, and move forward with them in Loving Christ our Saviour.

I am joining a group of people who have ideas and feelings such as this. http://acircleofhope.wordpress.com/chapter-1-the-safe-place/

I did not write any of this to say that I wasn't loved or welcomed at the churches I was a part of in California. I love them and am thankful for the relationships and growth I had with them. I hope those of you can rejoice with me in this new season and new family I am committing myself to.