in my little world

I guess I said too much...but I often have that problem. I start typing what I'm thinking and dont really take the time to step outside of it and consider what I'm actually saying to other people. Eh? It was less aimed towards any of you and more towards my own failures, frustrations with self, with my greed, and things that I made into idols. I don't think that those things are inherently bad...but, like most things, we can make a simple object into a God. Its silly how much this got built up today...I was so nervous and a knot in my stomach...Worrying that I upset people and stepped on toes. I had too long of a conversation last night was some amazing girls to be too worried though. I would rather step on toes then sit back and say nothing. And by all means I invite you to cut my feet off...let me know what you think. This is how Im learning. I am challeneged and questioned and it makes me vulnerable. Its easy for me to get defensive and angry. I have to take a moment and see what they were saying, find the love, and realize that the truth is hard to take. I am trying to figure this out...I just want to be sharing it with you all. Here and there. Getting your feedback and giving mine. I am changing, growing, and learning a ton. A lot about myself and a lot about community. This is so random and I should probably stop letting my fingers get ahead of my thoughts but this is me and its silly. I have decided to stop looking for a nanny job. I have nannied for a few families but nothing permanent and I have just been frustrated with not finding a permanent family. So...I cried and was frustrated, wondering why I was here, wondering what I am doing and how Im going to live and support Elisha...I woke up the next morning and was finally excited to have something I want to do. I am going to try and get a job as a companion/caregiver/home advisor with an elderly home or with mentally disabled adults....I am honestly excited about this. Praise the Lord! So many people are coming from CA in two weeks for lindseys wedding... I cant wait.