i went for a walk

so I have been home a few days now and adjusting to life in Philadelphia again. Had a hard first day back but I am glad it happened. It got me over a lot of things that I really should never have been into to start with. I also have just been amazed at how many people I love in the city. Since I got back I have just been overwhelmed with the love that my new friends have for me and I for them. I feel even more a part of this community than I did when I left. Hopefully everything else will smooth itself out sooner rather than later. I also am excited because I made friends with neighbors. Micah, Damien, Noah, and Eric. The first two live a block up and the second a few houses down. I hung out with them the first night I got back and have been visiting with them since. It is so nice to have so many amazing people in such close range to visit and connect with. Elisha has been especially cute these last few days. I got off the phone today with my friend Josh and as I said goodbye he started to say Josh, Josh. So I dialed the number and Elisha called him back and held a pretty good conversation. Even after it ended he still picked up the phone and said, "Josh, how are you?" Basically one of the cutest things in the world. I feel like I am having one of those times again when I haven't been calling California as much. It is too hard to come back and talk everyday...I miss you guys so much. I miss my beautiful little nieces. My dear friends and the wisdom and beauty the shower upon me. I miss my family...the large and small. However, I am still so glad and confident in my decision to move here. I have had many emails and voicemails from people about being a nanny. I am meeting with a family tomorrow and have a few different things going on...so I am pretty excited to start working. I also found a senior citizen home nearby and a childrens hospital so I am going to be looking in to volunteering at one or both. I am still amazed that people can have so many personalites. Can be amazing and kind one day and the next cold and uncaring. I guess we all have that in us. Ive felt like I knew so much about people and how they work...I am still learning. We will always get hurt and will always hurt someone else...It sucks a little bit more when someone (who is supposed to care about you) does and acts a certain way that they know will hurt you as opposed to someone who has no clue, but whatever. We can choose to isolate ourselves because of these past hurts and live alone too afraid to be vulnerable with someone else, or we can forgive those who have hurt us and take steps towards loving each other and showing each other compassion for the mistakes we have all made. Ive never been treated so shitty by a person, well I can think of two others, but not in the same way...it just makes me think, why are christian dudes supposed to be better than all the other regular joes out there? the great "christian" men are the ones that have screwed with me more than guys that just made out and left. At least the dudes without faith didnt belive that they were supposed to treat people with kindness and love.they didnt try to convince you that you were important to them and that they were trustworthy. anyways...this is a long random blog that got a little bit bitter at the end but hopefully no one reads it. I really am doing fantastic. Ive had a great past few days and am hopeful and excited for my future here.

ps. dan platt, would you like to have dinner soon?

Dear G-d, have mercy on me.