spring flowers

Everything is making Elisha cry right now. We are getting closer to 2 and the fits are showing it. God, give me patience. At the moment he is crying because I took a box of tissues away from him...his face is very pathetic.

I am currently listening to the Royal Tenenbaums soundtrack...so good.

I feel like I have been a very bad friend to California. I apologize for not calling. The first few weeks were very hard and I wanted to come back. That time of being still and having nothing to do is rapidly passing me by. I am finding myself busy and having less and less alone time. I need to make a point in my day to sit and read and take a breather. Its amazing to me how fast that happened. Last night was the first night in a week that I have gone to bed before 12. I have enjoyed all of the conversations and visits I have had late at night, I just need to learn when it is too much.

The weather has been amazing all weekend. Saturday Lois called me to ask if I wanted to go to the park with her or if I wanted her to take Elisha. I was so confused by what she was saying that I had to have it repeated 3 times. Eventually I realized she was offering to take Elisha for a few hours so I could have a break. It blew my mind. It wasn't just that she was going to babysit, it was that she thought about me. She cared enough about me to think, "oh Brandi hasn't gotten anytime away from Elisha since shes been here (in the day) why don't we take him with us for a few hours so she can have a break." I dont know if those were her thoughts exactly but it was probably the sweetest and kindest thing that has happened to me since being here. So, thanks so much Jesse and Lois. I am so glad that you are my friends and I love your family.

I hope I could do that one day. Take a second to think about somebody else other than myself and move on it. It is so easy for me to look at myself and feel pity. I know Lois gets tired being pregnant and having Maruke all day, I know she wants a break. I would like to care enough to consider these things when I am wondering what to do during the day. To offer to love her by serving her. To offer love to anyone by laying down what I would want to do, forgetting all of my needs and wants, and seeing what I could do for them. I think the only time I have ever loved anyone with my service is when I was trying to get them to fall in love with me. At least I can realize these things and make a change.

Saturday night I watched the Grace's kids. I am madly in love with Lily and Helena. They are probably some of the cutest and funniest girls I have ever seen. I had so much fun playing with them.

I went to NJ on sunday with Kate. She had to go "home" to do something for her old church and I decided to come along. It was beautiful day. The town was amazing. I loved the old brick homes and the trees that lined the streets on both sides. It was nice to be out in the suburbs...I guess since I am from them it just feels more like home to me. It was nice to walk down clean sidewalks, play in clean parks, and feel so safe and fuzzy. I would not want to live here but I am glad that I can from time to time step outside of the city to experience this.

I have been house sitting this weekend for the people I babysat for. They have an amazing house so it has been very fun to hang out there.

I was able to hang out with Ellen and Kate a bit this weekend (two housemates) and get to know them a bit more. I love them and am so glad that we live together. I was able to talk with them about Africa, Ellen is going there next year and Kate wants to go. It reminded me of the desire and heart that I too have for Africa. It reminded me that I want to go there and, that in moving here, I am that much closer to going. I have had some of the most amazing conversations with people this past week. I can feel myself feeling more at home. I am making new relationships that I am so excited about and treasure so much. All the things that I feared in the first few weeks are starting to disappear and my happiness is returning, Praise the Lord.

I realized last night I hadn't been spending alone time with God. I hadn't been reading or praying...I also realized I wasn't guarding my heart, just in little things, but I really need to keep my communication with God at the top of my priorities.

I miss you. I am so sorry that I haven't kept in touch. I feel like a horrible friend...and I plan on trying harder. I love you.