beautiful little city.

lets see. I had a dinner party at my house friday night and while getting ready for it knocked my computer off the kitchen table. I now have a broken computer but luckily purchased a very expensive protection plan so it will be fixed. i have some pretty pictures on my camera that i wish i could post but it will have to wait.

i went to the simple way the other night to watch "the road to guantanamo". I suggest netflixing it, its pretty intense. after watching it we talked about it for a long time about it. it blows my mind that things and places like guantanmo exist. that humans can torture each other and justify it in their hearts or minds. there are so many people still there...starved, beaten, humiliated, tortured humans. just like you and i. we send off our soldiers one by one so proud that they are serving our country...but all i could think of is what it would be like to be one of them. to spend months or years treating people like animals and then go home to your family and forget all about it. what would you say when your mother, wife, daughter asked you what you did all that time? would you lie, would you tell them honestly all of the ways you stripped a man of his humanity because he "may" have been involved in a killing, but he also may have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. how do soldiers do it? they are trained, brainwashed, to kill and when they have enough marks on their belt and thrown back into society and expected to lead normal lives. i dont get it. more than anything it breaks my heart for them. in taking others humanity they themselves are losing theirs. breaking a person breaks more than just the person.

i love walking around the city. i went on quite a long adventure yesterday with the "girls" and was so amazed at how much ive grown to love philadelphia. the more im here the more i appreciate little things. i love walking down new streets and finding hidden treasures...buildings that are falling apart, secret gardens, vacant lots with new grass growing....these things are so beautiful to me. speaking of beautiful treasures, there is a glorious yellow daffodil growing in my backyard. there are quite a few that will bloom soon but this is the first and stands alone in the midst of the thorns and mess. every morning i go to my kitchen window and look outside. there i see it smiling back at me, promising me that spring is indeed here. im looking forward to gardening and be outdoors. i also feel like this is going to be my first easter doing things on my own. making new traditions and experiences for elisha and our little family.

i went to the 700 club last night with the "girls" to go dancing. horray for dancing, horray for friends.

i went grocery shopping today with kate. we walked to the store a mile or so away. when we left a felt something very new. we had the stroller loaded up with groceries, a backpack full of them, and a few bags we filled to the brim. as we started for home, walking our groceries i had an image of home flash through my mind. i was reminded of all the mexican, low income families, that lived in santa maria that i would daily see carrying large bags of groceries down the street. i would have never thought i would look like that...i have always had a car and things of luxury. things like this that i never really appreciated, because i never knew what it was like to be without. so there i was walking the long walk home feeling completely exposed and very humbled. it was one of the most amazing feelings i have experienced. its hard to really explain it but i am thankful. i am so thankful. once again i find philadelphia teaching me so much about myself and bringing me to a place of nothingness.


i wish that it was always me making the effort. id like to have someone else come to me with something they had to take time to think about and plan out. i think im going to stop for a while. stop planning and thinking and putting my heart into so much...sometimes id like to have it go the other way. but ill leave that alone because i dont want to go any further.


im happy. im also reading rob bell's new book...and i like it. so if anyone wants to borrow it when im done id be more than happy to lend it out.