circles of light, you remain all I need.

I found the computer I note on. The last writings
were dated back in 2010. Back to a time when I was
on the farm and would spend ample
time admiring the sunlight streaming through the
oak trees while swinging back and forth ever so
slowing on the old wooden, creaky chain swing. I was 
near to the outdoor kitchen, the small cement
platform with sparse wooden cabinetry and 
an old stove. It was up on the bluff overlooking
the lower landscaping and ponds.
I would swing and view my surroundings for hours.
I could have stayed there for months and years had
situations allowed. the tree house was smaller
back then, back when I could swing in solitary bliss.
many changes have been made since those days 
...i am grateful for the growth
and hopeful for the consummation of my return to 
the land. the chickens roam free now and they have
added to their flock a fearsome band of ducks,
turkeys, and the lone peacock and rooster.
sad old men, so determined to be near the lady
breed but with no tact. the dogs have also increased
in number and are tiresome at visiting their
feathered friends at a proximity I doubt they fowls
enjoy. It is busier. more life. i miss the
company of our friends that have left. i know my son
misses the young boy that took up residence
with his mom and joe in the tree house that year.
i wonder if they will be back. i so love them
and their travelling family band. however, i do
sense a freedom for elisha now that his farm is
back to the way it was. where he was the child that
roamed free and learned to master his imagination
and learn from the older ones. his maturity was
so evident today. there are other new changes
with the front house. i think i am glad for this
change also...i do desire that it was on better
terms. the stubbornness and coldness of religion
always rubs me the wrong way. i set aside conflict ions
and voices that may tempt me into choosing sides.
i chose to remain in love, i am sorry if you disagree.
i am open to displeasing you, my life has long
been given over to the pleasure of my one and only.
your wishes and desires are no longer pressing on
me night and day. i do not wish to please you.
love you i will, with his will working only. but
you may not always perceive it as love. in 
this love i will back away so that perhaps he
might reveal to you his perfect way...that at times
feels like torture. i know about torture.
I wait so patiently for my arrival outdoors.
the farm has new tenants.
some coming and some going. quickly and sporadically.
i enjoy this but do long to be a part of it as
well. oh community, you are so sweet. i miss 
differences in beliefs and personalities. and
yet i also long for the connection of shared
values and passion for the land. come now, let 
us connect this reverence for the land and stewardship
and blend it together with love for our Creator.
Love for the one who has rescued and redeemed us,
who has made all new, who will restore the earth
and all of creation when He is revealed to all. 
Oh that that day would be tomorrow. glimpses of 
unity, i long for more of these. i am understanding
more that his fiery love consumes all. i am
taking down simplistic and narrow minded beliefs
that his love is unable, and so weak to truly
allow us to live tied down. Has he not set us free.
are we free or are we slaves, slaves in our mind it seems to be.
 but if we believe and 
see ourselves in darkness and despair we shall
remain prisoners there. 
 even worse, we see each other in a light of performance and 
regulations. oh that we would understand love,
teach us, Oh sweet Master. I can't believe that
His love could leave us and fail us at all. He
is all for me, inside of me, I am perfect.
 I have become light,
come see me shine. i shine here and now in these poorly
made,sterile, square walls. I find peace and joy
all in all. I delight myself in His love, for me.
I dance triumphantly knowing He has infinitely 
more magic and blessings to bestow lavishly on me.
On the farm, there are many new changes. I see
this all around me. Seasons come and nothing
changes. Seasons go and nothing remains. It is 
all irrelevant, I suppose. If my eyes remain on
You all I see is light, dancing and bouncing from
here to there. All is light and all
other is darkness.